I've noticed that sometimes when people say things that I disagree with, it ticks me off. I'm not talking about "Oh, this is a good sandwich" when I think the sandwich is horrible. I mean offensive things, like when people make sexist jokes, pseudo-racist comments (people don't usually make outright racist comments anymore, but pseudo-racist comments are decently common still), things about poor people being lazy... you get what I mean.
Now, sometimes when people say these things, they notice I get mad. Sometimes people say they are "just joking". That brings up a good question I don't have a real answer to: are jokes about things okay? For instance, a guy makes a sexist jokes about women. He claims he's not sexist and doesn't believe what he's sayin; it's just a joke. Is that legit? I tend to believe that if you make that kind of joke, you at least somewhat believe it. Take racist jokes: few people in their right mind make racist jokes in public and expect people to believe they aren't racist. Obviously there are lines we don't cross in making jokes, but there is always gray area around those lines. But I digress.
The question is, when someone says something that you find offensive, what do you do? Let's say someone makes a racist remark around me. Oooo does my blood start to boil! The worst thing to do is let the joke and the issue slide entirely. The second worst thing to do is to blast the person for making the remark. Why? Well, after being blasted, you can be pretty sure this person will never again want to discuss anything related to the topic of race with you, even in a civil discussion. So, that means somehow I have to quell my burst of anger and gently bring up the topic of race. Only through sustained dialogue is there a chance someone will change their views, so I have to be sure I leave the door open for sustained dialogue. Obviously the person should know my views on a topic, but attacking them for making one comment is definitely counterproductive.
Here's a quote I like from John F. Kennedy that is sort of along these lines... "Peace is a daily, a weekly, a monthly process, gradually changing opinions, slowly eroding old barriers, quietly building new structures."
4 comments:
I think you may be overgeneralizing the issue of whether the offensive jokes people make are reflecting a subconscious viewpoint that they hold. I always want to know if the person would be comfortable making the joke to their object of ridicule i.e. a racist joke to someone of that race, a sexist joke to the opposite sex, a gay joke to a homosexual, a religious joke to a priest or in prayer. If they're not comfortable, you may be right that it reflects a subconscious opinion. But if they are comfortable, I think it is more of a reflection of a desire not to take life too seriously and let the bigotry that has taken place in this world get us down.
I'm usually too flabbergasted to think of an appropriate response. I've heard "Jew" used as a verb on a number of occasions, and I didn't know what to say. This is also mixed with my lack of desire to tell people how to live or think, even when it is in a way that is objectively deplorable.
i don't know time... sometimes you're probably right, but not always. ie i know guys who are sexist who are perfectly comfortable making sexing remarks around women because they think they are right.
well, i for one like to say things that i don't mean at all - like wishing i could hook up with the dean of our law school
anyway, i dont see why telling that person off is THAT bad. maybe they need to realize they are out of line and need someone to let them know whats up
Steve
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