Darn Rice!

Why couldn't I have gone to a normal college, where people date (normally), and it's normal for people to meet in college and get married? Today I noticed the away message of a guy I haven't talked to since high school. (We played viola together in orchestra.) Anyways, all through college he's had these away messages, "I <3>expected to get married when you graduate. Who wants that pressure, particularly if you have things you want to do before you get married, or if you just don't feel like getting married right after graduating college?

So, I don't want either end extreme: at Rice you are weird if you do get married soon after graduating; at places like Wheaton you are weird if you don't. I'd prefer something in the middle. I'd like to be going to more weddings of Rice people. I'd like to have more of my Rice friends happily dating smart, fun, cute Rice guys. (Oh wait, maybe that's the problem...) How easy would it have been for more of us Rice folks to just meet Mr. (or Mrs.) Right in college?

Pamphlets, anyone?

Today I asked my officemate what the difference between Pentacostalism and Fundamentalism is (he's doing a paper on Fundamentalism). Amongst other things, he directed me to this fabulous fundamentalist website, www.swordofthelord.com. The best part of the site are the pamphlets available for puchase. Here is a sampling of titles that the two of us found pretty funny.

On Hell:
Great Preaching on Hell Volume XIV (compiled by Dr. Curtis Hutson)
Hell is for Real! (Dr. Shelton L. Smith)
Neglect--The Shortest Way to Hell (Dr. John R. Rice)

Sex and Alcohol:
Al K. Hall: America's Most Famous Terrorist (Dr. Shelton L. Smith)
The Double Curse of Booze (Dr. John R. Rice)
Liquid Devil! (Dr. Hugh Pyle)
Should Christians Drink Wine? (Dr. Curtis Hutson)
The Backslider (Dr. John R. Rice)
The Christian Faces Sex Problems (Dr. John R. Rice)
The Good Ship Courtship (Dr. Hugh Pyle)
The Pestilence of Aids (Dr. Hugh Pyle)
The Truth About the Homosexuals (Dr. Hugh Pyle)
These Bible Christians Fell Through Compromise (Dr. John R. Rice)

Prayer:
Conditions to Answered Prayer (Dr. Curtis Hutson)
How to Get Things From God (Dr. John R Rice)

Women, the Home and Family:
Bobbed Hair, Bossy Wives, and Women Preachers (Dr. John R. Rice)
Your Clothes Say it for You (Elizabeth Rice Handford)
The Bible, The Feminists and Sexual Harassment (Dr. Hugh Pyle)
Rebellious Wives and Slacker Husbands (Dr. John R. Rice)
Teenager, You Can Make It! (Don Woodard)
Amusements for Christians: Right or Wrong? (Dr. John R. Rice)
It Doesn't Take a Village (Dr. Dan Burrell)

On Calvinism, Catholicism, and Souther Baptists:
Why I Disagree With All Five Points of Calvinism (Dr. Curtis Hutson)
The Deadly Flower...T. U. L. I. P. (Dr. Gregory Baker)
Dear Catholic Friend (Dr. John R. Rice)
SBC Conservative "Take-Over" Not a "Make-Over" (Dr. Shelton L. Smith)

"Soul Winning":
The Golden Path to Successful Personal Soul Winning (Dr. John R. Rice)
House-To-House Soul Winning, God's Way (Dr. Tom Malone)
Lifestyle Evangelism Refuted (Dr. Curtis Hutson)
Winning Souls and Getting Them Down the Aisle (Dr. Curtis Hutson)

American friends, please!

I really miss having more American friends. My group of friends is mostly Indian, with a few other international students. I love them and it's generally fine, but frankly it gets really tiring being the only person like me all the time. I guess I'm learning a tiny sliver of what it's like to be a minority person in a predominantly white environment. If you're a non-white American, you will probably laugh at this blog entry: my frustrations are ones you've probably dealt with throughout your life. For me, this has been an interesting and somewhat difficult process, being a minority!

There's many pieces to it, and every piece is little on its own. In order to eat dinner with my Indian friends, I have to eat around 9 pm. They often speak in Hindi; they try to speak in English when I'm around, but I still listen to an awful lot of conversation that I can't understand. I often have to defend American ways of doing things, like dating, modern medicine, kids not living with their parents after college/after marriage, women working, why charity is important, to name a few. Julie (American roommate) and I still flinch when we see dishes rinsed (no soap used) and put away as "clean". Indians speak English with an intonation that can come across to myself and other Americans as argumentative/yelling, so even a minor discussion can seem like a fight; Julie and I have tried to adjust to this, but it's so different from what we're used to that no matter how often they tell us, it's almost impossible to not get frustrated in discussions where we feel we're getting yelled at.

None of these things is too much on its own. On top of that, at school I'm with almost all Americans, and I have Julie, Steve and Jeff, and a few other American friends. So I keep telling myself it shouldn't be a big deal. Even so, it gets really tiring. All the little things add up to a lot of exhaustion, constantly adapting/defending/changing what I do in my group of friends. More often than I like to admit I end up feeling strange, out of place, or put down. Pretty often the American way of life is belittled, mocked, or put down, and it's hard to separate people's opinions about me from people's opinions about my culture. I appreciate the humility that comes from hearing outside perspectives on American ways, particularly since America tends to be a very prideful nation. But almost like backlash, I see the tables turn as non-Americans will put down almost any part of American life simply because it is "American" (and Americans are ignorant, stupid, narrow thinking, or selfish).

No matter how much I change or how much my friends love me, I remain an outsider among them. So long as I am the only American, there is no need for them to accommodate my preferences or ways of life. And I often really feel my uniqueness, different-ness, American-ness, and something along the lines of loneliness (not exactly lonely because my friends are my friends, but more like loneliness in feeling different, no matter what I do).

I now more than ever prefer a group that is a mix of lots of types of people. Then no one viewpoint, idea, or way of doing things can take over or be seen as "right". Then everyone is in the minority, so people can't feel strange/alone/attacked by a majority group. If everyone is out of place, everyone learns and everyone has to adapt. If we are all outsiders, then in a way none of us are outsiders. That's my ideal social world, strange as it may be.

Complaint warning

It's 6:30 PM on a Friday evening and I am sitting in my office, trying to work on my papers and listening to a way too mellow Gipsy Kings song. Can I tell you how much I miss Houston life right now?

Graduate housing is not my favorite thing. It's like a college dorm. Sure, it's good to get to know people, and it's convenient. But you know how much nicer it is to have a place to go home away from school/work? And I prefer to not have most of my friends within three hundred yards of my home. Sometimes I want a place to go home away from friends as well. Maybe you Rice kids out there remember our sophomore year living off campus. For some reason being around people in a dorm/grad housing situation ALL THE TIME grates on me a lot; I appreciate my friends more and have more fun with them when we live more than a stone's throw away from each other. I miss the cutest house I probably will ever live in, 5816 Community. A shout out to my friends still living there, appreciate the loveliness of that house!!

I also miss the continuous vibrancy of life in H-town. For instance, there's always a happening coffee shop to go work at, or a quiet place to go work at. I never would feel bummed working at 6:30 pm on a Friday in Houston, because I could grab my computer and go work in one of ten coffee shops, and enjoy myself. Even at 10 pm on a Friday or Saturday, I could go and find one of 10 coffee sh0ps to work/study at. Here... I can't even think of one coffee shop of that kind. The only place to go off campus is Barnes and Noble, which I appreciate having, but does get old.

There's also missing have girlfriends and missing have more American friends. Too many of my friends here are Indian or other international. I love them and it's generally fine, but it's just tiring being the only person like me all the time. I guess I'm learning a tiny sliver of what it's like to be a black person in a predominantly white environment. Having to change how you do things to meet how the majority does them, always having to defend your "culture" or ways of thinking, learning to interact in ways that aren't natural to you, listening to people speak a foreign language, frequent topics of discussion that aren't of much interest to you. . . I guess my preference remains a multiracial environment: I don't want to be the odd oen out in a group where everyone else is the same, and I don't want to be in a group where everyone is the same as me. I prefer a group that is a mix of lots of types of people, so no one viewpoint or idea or way of doing things can take over or become viewed as "right".

Lastly, I miss sun and warmth. I started wearing flip flops for multiple days in a row recently, and my feet hurt! I can't remember when my feet hurt wearing flip flops. I think my feet have gotten used to the support of "real" shoes. How horrible!! By the way, it's supposed to snow tomorrow. Yes, at the end of April.

No more lambasting...

I've noticed that sometimes when people say things that I disagree with, it ticks me off. I'm not talking about "Oh, this is a good sandwich" when I think the sandwich is horrible. I mean offensive things, like when people make sexist jokes, pseudo-racist comments (people don't usually make outright racist comments anymore, but pseudo-racist comments are decently common still), things about poor people being lazy... you get what I mean.

Now, sometimes when people say these things, they notice I get mad. Sometimes people say they are "just joking". That brings up a good question I don't have a real answer to: are jokes about things okay? For instance, a guy makes a sexist jokes about women. He claims he's not sexist and doesn't believe what he's sayin; it's just a joke. Is that legit? I tend to believe that if you make that kind of joke, you at least somewhat believe it. Take racist jokes: few people in their right mind make racist jokes in public and expect people to believe they aren't racist. Obviously there are lines we don't cross in making jokes, but there is always gray area around those lines. But I digress.

The question is, when someone says something that you find offensive, what do you do? Let's say someone makes a racist remark around me. Oooo does my blood start to boil! The worst thing to do is let the joke and the issue slide entirely. The second worst thing to do is to blast the person for making the remark. Why? Well, after being blasted, you can be pretty sure this person will never again want to discuss anything related to the topic of race with you, even in a civil discussion. So, that means somehow I have to quell my burst of anger and gently bring up the topic of race. Only through sustained dialogue is there a chance someone will change their views, so I have to be sure I leave the door open for sustained dialogue. Obviously the person should know my views on a topic, but attacking them for making one comment is definitely counterproductive.

Here's a quote I like from John F. Kennedy that is sort of along these lines... "Peace is a daily, a weekly, a monthly process, gradually changing opinions, slowly eroding old barriers, quietly building new structures."

An un-Bendy evening, and less incommunicado

Tonight I went out to dinner at a Mexican place with my three roommates. We have tried to do this since the first week of school in August, but only tonight (with three weeks until we leave) did we pull it together. It was very refreshing (surprisingly refreshing, for a simple evening out). It almost felt like I wasn't in the Bend. I attribute this to the fact that I was out with a bunch of girls. In college I was often hanging out with girlfriends. But here, the girls are few and far between! Girls are just outnumbered in all the grad programs here: business, law, and PhD program. I rarely get to hang out with a group of girls! This is in stark contrast to my high school and college years where I hung out with girlfriends all the time. Take senior year: I don't know how many hours we spent on our couches talking. When I think about it, I'm shocked at how I never get that chance here!

So, goal for next year: be sure to find a group of girlfriends to hang out with on a regular basis.

On the second half of my blog title, I hereby am coming back from being incommunicado the past few weeks. Maybe once a year I get into a bit of a funk, and the past few weeks were my funk for this year. Maybe you know the kind of funk I'm talking about... when the littlest things can make you angry, or make you cry at the drop of a hat, when you really are dragging getting things done, when you just feel generally blah, for unexplained reasons. I pin some of this on the Bend: it's still a small, relatively boring little town and until a few weeks ago it was still snowing. Obviously not all of the funk can be blamed on the Bend and its weather, but I'm always unclear as to the other sources of my funks.

As funks for me go, I fretted over my life goals, faith, career choices, marriage prospects, and the like. Anyways, this funk is coming to an end, as (thankfully) all funks have for me until now. Like I can't tell you how my funks begin, I can't usually explain how they end. I know that it was definitely in recession after I ran into my friends Steve and Jeff (I hadn't seen them for a few weeks) the other night when they were a little bit tipsy, and spending a very entertaining few hours with them. Adding to that the weather getting warm and a clear end in sight for my time in the Bend, and thankfully the funk is lifting (despite a lack of clarity on the fretted-over funk issues). I still hate my cell phone and don't really want to be making a thousand calls, but I promise to be less incommunicado than I have been the last few weeks.

That's it, I'm going to Puerto Rico

My next real vacation will be here, mark my words!

1. Sort of like going to a foreign country, thanks to Puerto Rican culture and Spanish language.

2. Not really like going to a foreign country as you don't need a passport or visa, since Puerto Rico is what I call a pseudo-state.

3. Warm, with many beaches.

4. The amazing bioluminescent tour I've heard so much about.

I hate cell phones

A few weeks ago I had a post about cell phones. I took down the post to re-vamp it, and my hatred for cell phones has only solidified since. So here is my diatribe on cell phones.

Cell phones bug the crap out of me. My cell phone and other people's cell phones. Why? A few reasons...
1 - In public places like trains, bookstores, shuttle buses, people talking on their cell phones is usually obnoxious. Just the other day I was at Barnes and Noble, and some girl was loudly gabbing on her cell phone for like 30 minutes.

2 - People expect to be able to get ahold of you at any time. In college some of us got annoyed with our friend Yarng for never having her cell phone turned on. This just exemplifies the problem: we expected that since Yarng had a cell phone, we should be able to get ahold of her whenever we wanted. Cell phones breed selfishness and impatience among callers. I want to talk to this person now, and they have a cell phone so I should be able to talk to them now. I freely admit that I fall victim to this, but I still say it's bad.

3 - On the flip side, having a cell phone does not obligate you to pick it up all the time. Particularly if you are in a public place as mentioned above or hanging out with people, it's just rude to start talking on your cell phone for extended periods of time. Short of an emergency, why prioritize phone calls over the people around you, be them strangers on the train or friends at a restaurant? If your phone is attached to your ear, you're not only alienating the folks around you but you are missing out on real life!

In all fairness, there are some benefits to cell phones. Safety, convenience when travelling, help when you're lost, and meeting up with people at a crowded place, to name a few. Some people say they like the free long distance, but I suspect that cell phone bills are probably on par with (or more pricey) than long distance bills used to be. As with most things, a useful invention like a cell phone can easily become more of a nuisance than a help; even the best things go bad when people become addicted.

If you are reading this blog, you once lived in the pre-cell phone era; you survived, society functioned, and you were probably just as happy as you are with a cell phone. From a former cell phone addict (sophomore year of college I should have just gotten cell phone headgear), here are some favors I have done myself that I highly recommend:
- Remember that you own your cell phone, it doesn't own you!
- Take back your time: if there are important calls, set times in advance for those calls when you have time and can be away from other people. Then you don't annoy strangers or friends by talking on your phone for long periods of time around them, and you don't annoy friends or family by missing their calls. (I've used this scheduling thing with several people, and it's worked nicely).
- If you're addicted, leave your phone home for a day or two to remember that you can live without it. (This was sooo hard for me, but so healthy!)
- Don't get selfish and impatient if you can't get ahold of someone right away on their cell phone.

A warning: I joke about a no cell phone rule in my car, but I seriously want to put up a sign "No cell calls more than 2 minutes, save medical or emotional emergencies". If you can't detach yourself from the cell phone for ten minutes when I'm driving you somewhere, then next time save me gas money and/or the boredom (of listening to half a conversation instead of the radio) by driving yourself or finding another ride. Maybe this is ridiculous (you tell me, dear reader), but it's my pet peeve, so consider yourself fairly warned.

And on a happy note, for once I can say that America isn't the worst in the world! Moroccans were far worse than Americans in terms of having the cell phone attached at the hip and the ear. Finally, we aren't the biggest victims to technological addiction!